Ashley’s message: I have a life, I have responsibilities, I have challenges. But at the end of the day, I just learn how to channel-in those concerns with a lot of extra help and support. I may see a psychiatrist monthly, I may take medication every day, but I’m not that far away from that individual. At all. Ashley Smith, who is originally from California, spent her childhood with her very close-knit family. Her mother was very supportive and involved with Ashley’s life, as was her stepfather. Growing up, Ashley was very outgoing and participated in many sports, such as track and cross country. She describes herself as an academic “go-getter,” and she was a youth church leader at her local church. This active involvement in the community gave Ashley a sense of self-validation and confidence. Upon entering college where she studied business and marketing, she made the dean’s list and had high hopes of continuing her education into a master’s and even a doctorate degree. Ashley was also an active student mentor and a youth assistant coach. While maintaining her high GPA and other activities, Ashley ran on the cross-country team for all three years of her college experience. In March of 2007, Ashley experienced a very “dark moment” during her junior year of college where she had lost all her motivation and passion for school and other activities and felt as though she was unable to cope with these feelings. She was very surprised by these emotions and felt as if this loss of motivation was consuming her; she had tried multiple resources, such as study groups, to regain her focus and her drive, but nothing had worked. Ashley watched her grades slip away from her with no ability to correct them. During this time, she reached out to her family for support, and her family suggested that she take some time off from school, supporting her endlessly through this decision. Ashley recalls visiting campus for the last time to say goodbye to her professors and feeling like a “complete failure,” saying she felt ashamed and guilty for withdrawing from her classes. At that time in Ashley’s life, she recalls having little to no understanding of mental illness. She says that she felt like a cloud was hovering over her. Ashley:I surprised myself that I couldn’t manage, that I couldn’t stay focused. I tried study groups, I tried sleeping, I tried this and that. And I couldn’t help but my grades were slipping. I did not understand what mental illness was or that it applied to me, that I was at risk, and its symptoms. So when I left my school campus, I couldn’t hold back the tears and it was a really dark day for me. It felt like a cloud was hovering over me and it was just all negative energy. It was just so fast and difficult to feel like I can’t complete what I started, which was so new to me. After withdrawing from college, Ashley relocated from Atlanta back to California to start over and regroup with her family. She began a new job working under her aunt and eventually found herself paying her own bills, working on her wellbeing, and even becoming highly involved in her local church. Despite all the positives in her life, Ashley recalls feeling like she could not trust anyone, including the people she typically would trust. One Sunday morning in June, Ashley recalls waking up and watching a church special on tv. During an advertisement commercial for selling DVDs, she noticed that the bottom of the screen read, “how to commit suicide.” Ashley interpreted this as the devil trying to tempt her. She fought this feeling, telling herself repeatedly, “I am not suicidal. I do not want to die, and I don’t want to take any risks.” Ashley continued to her church service that morning as usual. At the time, she did not understand what hallucinations were, nor did she understand the way they were affecting her life. Upon leaving church that day, Ashley rode public transportation and recalls being terrified of everyone, even though she knew in her heart that they were harmless. She states that she kept thinking, “They’re trying to kill me. Everyone is against me.” Looking back, Ashley remembers thinking extreme religious thoughts, and began having vivid hallucinations, thinking that she could look at a person and tell if they were “angelic or demonic.” She states that she remembers seeing that most everyone was demonic, even hallucinating that their eyes were solid black, and that she felt very afraid and disoriented. Ashley also recalls feeling extremely paranoid, like everyone was talking about her and that there were cameras everywhere, just watching her. After this experience, Ashley reached out to her family back in Atlanta and told them she wanted to come back home. Ultimately, she tried to get a flight back home to Atlanta. She recalls finding herself in the parking lot of the airport after being unsuccessful in her attempt at booking a flight. Ashley remembers being very afraid and praying to God in the parking lot to protect her and to get her back home to Atlanta safely. She recalls seeing a large pick-up truck in the parking lot; it had large light strips on top, the driver side door was open, and the keys were in the ignition. Ashley recalls thinking to herself, “That’s my God…giving me a miracle.” She saw this abandoned truck as a gift from God that would allow her to drive across the country back home to Atlanta. She didn’t know where to go, but she felt comforted and hopeful in her faith in this moment. While she was driving, Ashley recalls seeing police cars behind her. Upon realizing the police were after her, she remembers panicking and driving over the median into oncoming traffic. She had hit two cars and crashed head on into a building. Ashley suddenly found herself surrounded by several officers with Read more

“No matter who you are or how more – more difficult is your life, you need to take care of your health. Because health manages the rest of your body. And if you have family, you need to let your family help you and let your family know that somebody’s mistreating you.” Read more

"I guess I’m a little ambitious. There’s things I’d like to do. There’s things that I’ve always wanted to do in my life that I haven’t really done yet, but—I don’t know, it’s like my—I think my thought process is a little more of a go-getter kind of thing. Sometimes I let a lot of opportunities just come to me if they ever do." Read more

"That I’m not mad at men anymore. And I was. Because even in this relationship, I wanted someone, even my worst enemy, to come and say regardless of what their image was, “I’m just like you.” … and I am not a monster because I defended my life against someone trying to kill me, and I’m not a monster because I suffered because of it." Read more

"I would like people to know that when they first see me, I wish they would understand that I’ve been through a lot more than I look like I have, and that I have a lot more experience than I appear to, with a lot of different elements. And I’d like people to do that with everybody, really. To look beyond the surface and try to understand that everyone is going through something and just because they’re not acting in such a way that you think they should, doesn’t mean they’re wrong." Read more

"I’m not lazy. I’m not a deadbeat. I’m not some leech living off the system. You know, I care for people. I’m not somebody who wanted a disability." Read more

"Being born again and loving God, it’s made me so I love everybody." Read more

"I’m just mainly one person, you know, and one person cannot do too much, but if people know about me, I like them to know about my name." Read more

"I just want other people to know that if you’re dealing with a certain illness, regardless if it’s not schizophrenia or it is schizophrenia, you can survive it. Don’t kill yourself. Don’t do anything, you know, to harm yourself or your family or your friends. Cherish what you have left in your health." Read more

"You can do anything you put your mind to it. Don’t let drugs, alcohol, mental illness or anything hold you back and tell you you cannot, because you can. And if you need help, reach out for it." Read more

"I would want them to know that none of us are promised tomorrow. And if I go before them, just be happy that I’m with my Maker because it’s been a fight." Read more

"I’m schizo-affective, but I’m gonna live a very productive life. And I’m go​​​nna accomplish the things that I wanna accomplish." Read more

"There is life after mental illness. I know people who have succeeded in their chosen field despite being ill, and I know people who were unable to, but I think always there’s a way to pick up your life and move on as a competent member of society and not be thrown out into the shadows." Read more

"I’m a very forgiving person. I like company, I’m a people person, and I just like helping people out. And I’m very responsible, and I got good attendance when I go to work. And I just want them to know I’m a hard worker. And I’m just dependable." Read more

"I’m a survivor, and I understand God to the utmost respect. I read His word and I study and I practice it a lot." Read more

“I’m a good person, first of all. I’m not, I ain't no sex offender... I love America. I love our military. I love President Obama. He done the right thing, you know, protecting [our country]. My father did it too.” Read more

"I’m a good person. I have a good heart. I always consider someone else’s feelings, like before you do something or before you say something, I try not to say exactly what I’m thinking if we’re going through an argument or whatever. I try not to say that because sometimes that’s more hurtful than going through the argument itself. You say something that you don’t mean and people internalize that. I learned that. So, I try not to do that. I mean, I try to help you if I can help you. I just want people to know I’m a good person."​ Read more

“I would like them to know that I’m a survivor, that I'm strong and that I’m competent at times, I might not be competent all the time, but I can be competent. That I can have a normal life. That I can be, what a person would consider a regular ‘ole day-to-day person. That I might have problems from time to time, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t be a good friend, a good wife and a good mother.” Read more

"…the thing that I have been learning and that I need to keep learning is that acceptance doesn’t always come very easily and it can take years upon years." Read more

"I can think of something that my dad used to always say, 'Honest to goodness. Honest to goodness. The wicked and oppressing need not His blessing, but be honest to goodness.'” Read more

"If you have a mental condition, get some help for it, take your medications, try to get into some type of stress class or something, because you’ll end up like me. I’m surprised I’m alive today, I swear to God. I didn’t think I was going to make it to see fifty-years-old. Schizophrenic, bipolar is a serious condition. So it’s important to take your medication and get therapy and help for your condition." Read more

"I am different, I am unique but … I want them to understand that I’m still a person, you know. Just because I talk a certain way or because I dress a certain way … I have something wrong with me, but it’s always nice to sit down and know the person and understand what they’re going through. Cause if you don’t, then you’ll never know, and then you’re (pause) uneducated …" Read more

“My message is ... I would like for people to know, mainly specially for young teenagers, young ladies, from the ages, maybe 9 and up, that I am a strong survivor. And I want them to know that I am a survivor of family incest. And here I’m at the age of 44 years old and actually you can say I was raped at age 2 months old. So, I am a strong survivor, and I’m here to let the ladies know that ... if I made it through, that you can make it through, too. And there is hope, and sometimes you feel like giving up, but there is a sun that’s gonna shine and not to never give up and to let somebody walk with you and to hold your hand and ... let you know that you can do it." Read more

"I tried. I gave it the old college try. I mean, some people may think I’m a shirker—you hear these talk show hosts: “do away with social security.” Well the people that suffer the most would be hurt the most by it. You don’t know how everyday I just sit and wished I could have gone into work today, earned a living, been independent, not been on the system And people look at you like you’re just a shirker: “you’re feigning and you’re crazy, because you want your benefits.” I tried, I gave it my effort, and it just didn’t work out for me. Who the hell wants to live on 1,000 dollars a month, Dr. Crane? I mean, you think that’s fun? It’s not fun, it’s very difficult, and these people think it’s the greatest, it’s the life of Riley — no it’s not.​" Read more