At the time of his interview, Darrell was an experienced 67-year-old veteran who had been all over the world, doing things ranging from programming to militaristic advances. However, Darrell wasn’t always involved in such dynamic activities; he grew up as a humble farm boy in Dodge City, Kansas. There, he spent his childhood participating in everyday tasks that he considered to be “normal things that farm boys did at the time”. He milked cows, drove tractors, did his daily chores, and went to school. Despite being constantly bored with the work he was assigned to do in junior high and high school, Darrell was one of the most intelligent students in his school.
“During high school, I was not a very good student. I was pretty bored in high school – didn’t have much to do. Had about a B average. But then it came for the achievement test and suddenly they found out that I was in the 99th percentile in the ACT and I was the only one in high school that made the National Merit Scholastic [sic] finalists, and they were surprised at what I could do.”
This trend persisted throughout Darrell’s academic years. Even when majoring in physics at Kansas State University, nothing could keep his interest, until he learned about the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps (ROTC). Quickly, Darrell got involved with the ROTC and started his long and accomplished journey with the Army. Darrell rose through the ranks with ease, graduated in 1976 as a Second Lieutenant, made the Commandment’s List (graduating with honors while in the military), and went off to Fort Sill, Oklahoma where he completed his Officer’s Basic Training. For the next few years, he rotated from battery to battery.
Listen to Darrell talk about the various batteries he was assigned to here:
In Fort Riley, Darrell was exceeding expectations. Eventually, he married his first wife, who was his college sweetheart. Unfortunately, the marriage was “rocky” and “she wasn’t very excited about [him]”. Though he thought it was a painful experience, Darrell moved on and was still very successful in his areas of work. He completed months of training, tested out of all his college courses, and made the Commandant’s List for the second time. Darrell was even stationed in Germany for about a year after where he inspected nuclear weapons and made sure everyone using them was taking proper safety precautions. Darrell wasn’t only examining weapons; he was also examining Europe. During his stay, Darrell visited many areas of the continent.
Listen to his experiences traveling throughout Europe here:
Unfortunately, seven months after coming back to Fort Sill, Darrell began to experience some of his first symptoms of schizophrenia at age 30. He became “very disorganized, delusional” and couldn’t figure out what was happening around him. He believed that he had been the victim of an experimental drug that would make him into a supersoldier. Darrell said he was incredibly confused, but he was able to make it to the army hospital where the staff quickly recognized the symptoms Darrell was displaying. Fort Sill only had one psychiatrist to treat 20,000 soldiers and no psychiatric facility, so he went to the base’s hospital. During this time, Darrell was sent for a trip out of the hospital where he was driven to the Wichita mountains. Darrell reported hearing different voices coming through the radio and felt as if there was an observatory looking down upon him, watching. As soon as Darrell got back to base and relayed what he was experiencing, he was put on medication.
After taking medication for some time, Darrell was feeling better and back to his old self. Darrell experienced a few uncomfortable side effects – anxiety, hyperactivity, etc – but the symptoms were gone. Days passed and Darrell was released from the hospital and taken to his apartment. Darrell went about his normal routine, until one day when he forgot to take his medication. By the afternoon, the side effects were gone and Darrell felt much better physically. He no longer wanted to take the medication, so he visited the army psychiatrist to tell him his new plan of discontinuing his medication, to which the psychiatrist agreed. A few days passed and Darrell was sent back to active duty. However, two weeks later, Darrell ended up in the hospital yet again after exhibiting more psychotic symptoms. This time, Darrell was sent to a separate base that did have a psychiatric unit. There, he tried multiple medications. He had an acute dystonic reaction to one dose, felt drowsy when given a different one, and became very anxious with another. Darrell was kept in that facility for a month until his release was allowed. His trip home didn’t go as well as the previous one.
Listen to Darrell speak about the difficulties he was having at home here:
Darrell continued to volunteer his time at the Red Cross until he was put on a temporary disabled retired list. He was given half of his base pay and went on his way. This was when Darrell decided to go back to Kansas State University and study computer science. Darrell had more trouble dealing with schoolwork than he did before, but after a lot of hard work each semester, he did very well. During this period, he applied for the VA disability program, but “the benefits for disability were slow in coming”. The VA also had to properly evaluate Darrell for disability – they determined he was 10% disabled, the lowest disability offered. Roughly nine months after Darrell was discharged, the VA allowed him to be evaluated for their training program. Darrell completed vocational training, brought in his academic transcripts, talked with another psychiatrist, and then was finally able to be accepted into the disability program.
After a few years, Darrell was doing relatively well. He earned his computer science degree and was hired for his first “civilian job” at Phillips Petroleum Company in Oklahoma. After spending some time there, Darrell moved to Texas and wrote software for insurance companies. More months went by, and Darrell started working for Cincinnati Bell Information Systems Corporation in Cincinnati, Ohio. Then, a programmer for Alltel in Arkansas, a programmer for Bank One (now known as Chase) in Ohio, and then a software builder for Chemical Abstract Service, also in Ohio. After a long period of experiencing little to no symptoms, Darrell’s new job as a software builder only served as a stressor, causing his mental condition to worsen.
Listen to Darrell explain the hardships he was facing and his “Dilbert syndrome”:
After talking with his psychologist and psychiatrist, Darrell finally decided to go on full disability in 2004. It took quite a bit of time for the VA to get the paperwork, as “nobody at the VA would even get serious about looking for it”, but Darrell pushed through and was officially approved by the VA for his schizophrenia.
Due to Darrell retiring from work, he found he had a lot of time on his hands. So, for roughly the past twenty years, Darrell has been volunteering and helping out in various psychiatric facilities. By 2007, Darrell was doing seven hospital groups a week. Darrell created fact sheets, distributed binders, and spread information about schizophrenia in his community to raise awareness. He had helped out so much that in 2007, he won the prestigious Jefferson Award, given to only five people annually who have done outstanding community service. Around this time, Darrell also met his wife, also diagnosed with schizophrenia, to whom he’s been married for more than eleven years and loves very much.
Darrell continues to help out in his community and wrote a book about mental health and the basics in regards to recovery titled Straight Talk About Living with a Severe Mental Illness. He says he wants to fight the stigma and that people diagnosed with schizophrenia can still lead wonderful lives. Darrell still occasionally struggles with symptoms of schizophrenia, but he now knows how to discern delusions from reality. Darrell says he divides everything into “buckets”: things he knows are real, things he knows can’t possibly be real, and things he isn’t sure about. Regardless, Darrell says he’s been doing well and wants to focus on educating his community because even though one may be diagnosed with schizophrenia, “you can do well, and can do better, and keep moving on”.
